was trying to study in the courtyard but the fucking idiots kept talking and playing so loudly.

the maid they all lahs.

fuck it

was in a quite tired and fucking so fuck it mood thn nandhini was like

"aiyo mel come to school early morning so bad mood ah"

haha in my heart i was thinking 

if only you knew,if only you knew.

try living my life.

you'll just die.

last night after he went to slp i thought about everything

i cried myself to slp but good thing my eyes wasnt red or anything this morning.

you knw the thought of self mutilation came to my mind

i knw last time i did it for the fun of it.

i still keep the penknife though its rusty le

but i still got the urge to do it.

i mean its like trying to say im like crazy over him

like i mean you knw those tv kinds

and its not like a foolish thing

its an urge

erm i oso dunno how to explain.

but its really the case.

ok this sounds really lame but i was debating with myself whether to cut myself or not.

thn i decided not to cus i thought of everyone who cared about me

i mean what would mummy and daddy think

what would aunty may think

what would tob and zheming think?

how bout my frens?i bet they'll be like very worried about me and stuff.

so i tried to pull myself tgt and i tried to go back slp.

this is a word of advice for myself or if you are in a similar situation like me:

i knw i didnt tell like my best frens and stuff 

i dont mean to keep this from you or sth 

its just cause i dont wanna talk about it.

but you'll read it from here bcause you are my devoted readers mahs :D

anw told veron bout it except this mutilation part as we were going home as we need to do cp to take transport

thn didnt felt like going home.

went to burger king to eat with her

we talked alot.

i like her company.

its not pushy.its just relaxed and just right

its just tt her eyes cannt be seen hahahaha

her curtains cover her small beady eyes!XD

haha sry veron :D

yea anw her words of encouragement really touched me.

when i was using com i recieved a txt from him.

i txted veron for SOS but she was MIA!

nvm thn he talked to me online.

i mean even though its the case i was damn sad

like i could still feel the hurt and all.

its like xin tia alot.

thn yea i really dunno what to say dunno what to do le.

now blogging.gotta study laters.

last night vik  txted me.wtf?!

say wanna bring me go drink like on him

cus hes thousands of dollar rich thanks to his navy

so i say ok nxt week thn

see if i in the mood anod.

ytd mozzy talk to me oso.

nxt week going shopping with him i think

but dont think will happen.

super attitude this fucker ytd.

who ask him say those words last time

I WILL NEVER FORGET.

sry my blog today not so colourful

because im in a black and white mood.