Sunday, May 22, 2011
Last blogged @ 2:12 PM

Went to see auntie nellie’s dog today..super cute.

but it peed everywhere though it was potty train.

u knw when i arrived i was at the gate and he was at the door looking at me..

when i opened the gate he RAN inside the house..

and thn he came out again our of curiosity i guess and he RAN back inside the house as i entered the house

this dog really has no guts man..

but i swear its really friendly and cute :) but really high maintenance cause it wants to play ALL THE TIME.

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anyway….update of my life since school started..:

So far everything is not going well for me..

Sometimes i really wonder if what im doing is what is right for my future

because im really afraid to loose what is precious to me

and to loose what i might regret

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Now that im getting older i cannt make stupid decisions like i did in sec 1

and i wish these decisions can be easier than it is..because its getting kinda hard to breathe once in awhile.

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Ever since school started honey and i have met very less often as we do and honestly adding to the pt that things arent going so well for us..its kinda….adding to my troubles.

and i feel that i dont have someone i wanna talk to in spite of everything tts happen

dont get me wrong..i have friends and family just tt i dont feel like i wanna share this shit part of my life w anyone else.

just wanna get things cleared up first before i actually announce any shit news..

gonna meet him on weds morning..

gonna skip school in the morning to meet him.

kinda scared of what he’ll say actually

because i tried to break up w him ..i even unfriended him in fb..

really upset and torn in btw my conscience and feelings.

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i really wonder if we are meant to be…

But im guessing no?cus if im questioning it might be the one alr right?

and really wonder if he is worth all the pain he put me through

everyone tells me he aint worth it but thn i just cant let go.

i really wonder why

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its just sth about him tt makes my heart beats really fast and clenches really tightly till i cant breathe

his every touch on my skin leaves electrical sparks for me to feel.

i really wonder if i make him feel the same way too :(

and i really do hope he can prove it to me that he loves me by deleting tt bitch away from his life..

but i really doubt so..

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dearest told me to just listen to what he has to say..

makes me feel like someone supports my decision

so all the more i decided to meet him.

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hope i wont bawl my eyes out tt day..dont wanna feel dejected all day cus im staying in school till night time

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Dont really knw who i can turn to at the point of time…

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School so far has been okay for me.it isnt stressful or what

but definitely stressing about piano and CCA

i really hate giving time to join CCA because all the while i hate it

trying my best to be as optimistic as i can..

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and since school is kinda far away i havent been able to spend alot of time at home and i practically live at school now..since i spend alot of time there

but since i have friends tt aint tt bad i guess its still plausible.

and im loosing interest in piano fast.

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because of school and everything once i get home and study and stuff im really exhausted and tired tt i dont even feel like doing anything but just relax and makes me nt in the mood to even practice..

and im starting to hate it because i cant learn and do what i have interest in..

my personality is like that.

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i wouldnt say its a good thing but i really only do things or have motivation to do things tt i like.

i really dont wish to quit..is just tt im at at cross roads and i havent decided a shit.

i didnt really dare talk to mummy about it because all she ll say is that i can do it and i have faith in u i knw you wouldnt give up so easily tt kinda thing..

and ive grown i wanna make my own decisions and thnk for myself.

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recently ive talked to mummy and aunty and its really opened my eyes to see that i didnt knw ___ had this issue long ago..

it really makes me think tt its kinda scary and its no laughing matter because its very serious and it could lead to depression or split personalities.

i really hope that this person will get better..by expressing the feelings of theirs more.

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“Even though people that you knw may look strong and cool.But youd be surprised at how insecure,lost and afraid they actually are.”

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Exams and tests are coming up soon.Hope ill do fine!

And i hope that everything will work out fine in my love life.

and i hope i obtain good friends in this school! :D